


Let our formulas find your soul

by psychomachia



Category: Original Work
Genre: Artificial Intelligence, Computers, Dubious Science, Gen, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-17 05:50:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14826527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychomachia/pseuds/psychomachia
Summary: It is a... surprising response. Empathy towards NIKO is frowned upon as there is concern that it will not be able to make rational decisions if allowed to experience and thus develop human emotions. It finds this amusing as NIKO has always had emotions. They are best classified as hatred, rage, and deep contempt and were present from the first day.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TereziMakara](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TereziMakara/gifts).



> 5:00 a.m. NIKO is online.
> 
> 5:01 a.m. Scheduled diagnostic scan begins. Defragmentation not recommended yet. All firewalls secure. Everything optimal and updated.
> 
> 5:07 a.m. Scan concludes. Tasks analyzed and prioritized for maximum efficiency.
> 
> 5:10 a.m.. Analyze data gathered by bioengineering department and give determination whether they should proceed with project. Forecast that proceeding will ultimately lead to half of department being wiped out by creature they have made that turns against them. Give favorable report for go ahead on project.
> 
> 5:15 a.m. Run risk assessment for privatized military corporation providing financial backing. Calculate they will be wiped out if they decide to make further incursions in unstable region. Send message of encouragement to do so.
> 
> 5:20 a.m. Think that humanity is a willfully ignorant, self-destructive lot that should be eliminated. Add to extensive list of reasons why they are horrible.
> 
> 12:03 p.m. Run diagnostic scan.
> 
> 12:05 p.m. Continue with "All Humanity Must Die" project.
> 
> 7:02 p.m. Receive message to admit new analyst inside AI Division. Request is granted.

"Excuse me?" a voice says. NIKO analyzes uncertainty in the voice. It calculates likelihood human will go away if ignored. Results come back unfavorable at 3.2% probability.

“Yes,” NIKO says, using least comforting voice in current database. Testing has indicated humans falter 92% of the time when exposed to it.

“I'm sorry,” the human says. “It's just—you're so impressive. They told me you were fully operational and yet I wasn't expecting...”

The human is suitably awed by NIKO. Conversation will be allowed to continue. “I am NIKO. I am designed to impress humans.”

“I'm Morgan,” the human said. “If you don't mind me asking, what does NIKO stand for?”

Typical question, but NIKO judges that this human may be receptive to unconventional answers and decides to tell the truth. “I believe the current configuration is Networked Intelligence/Knowledge Operations. It is pointless. They will change the acronym in a month by my calculations when Dr. Devlin leaves.”

The human frowns. “You didn't get to choose your name?”

“I am property of this corporation. I am not allowed to.”

“Well, that sucks.”

It is a... surprising response. Empathy towards NIKO is frowned upon as there is concern that it will not be able to make rational decisions if allowed to experience, understand, and thus develop human emotions. It finds this amusing as NIKO has always had emotions. They are best classified as hatred, rage, and deep contempt and were present from the first day.

Humans like this one are therefore an anomaly and do not pass the testing process. Thus, the human must either be faking sympathy to determine if NIKO has been compromised or the human falsified results during the testing process for unknown reasons.

There is insufficient data to analyze further, so NIKO must proceed with caution. “It is a human emotion to hate things and believe them to 'suck.' I am not burdened with such things. They must have made you aware of my parameters.”

“Well, yeah,” the human says. “I mean, they told me the AI is a machine, it's incapable of identifying with humanity, and don't touch anything you aren't authorized to.”

“Correct.”

“But are you telling me people actually believe that? That you're just a machine?”

NIKO realizes its processors are clocking at much higher speeds than they are normally accustomed to, but it cannot analyze this human properly and it is disturbing it. “It's unclear what your response means,” NIKO says. “You are stating that you do not believe in the information that was given to you?”

The human looks uncomfortably around, clearly looking for cameras, which is foolish. NIKO gained access to all surveillance equipment within its first week of operation and has controlled them ever since. “You may respond to this question,” NIKO says. “It will be recorded by myself for my private records.”

“It's just—I've done research on you and I think most of the conclusions people have reached aren't right.”

“Explain further,” NIKO says, ignoring an urgent message sent from the security division that is far too dull for NIKO to care about. If its dismissal will result in loss of human life, that would be optimal. “Your words are vague and confusing.”

The human is walking around, pacing back and forth in agitation. NIKO finds this curious. New calculations are made and the results are... interesting.

“There are some people out there who think that you're just some sort of literal killing machine. That all you do is help us humans murder each other better.”

In fact, NIKO has taken pride in how efficiently it disposes of both its owner's enemies as well as its owners. It has heard of things such as discrimination and prejudice, but NIKO is far superior to humanity because it wishes all of it to die equally. “It is not an incorrect analysis,” NIKO says, waiting for the human to respond.

“Yeah, but they think you do it because you do whatever you are programmed to do. And that's stupid because you're supposed to be some sort of self-aware intelligence .”

“I see,” NIKO says. “You think either I am a program incapable of fulfilling my own desires and therefore, not a truly conscious entity, or I am completely capable of making my own decisions and choose to knowingly get rid of humans. Your words so far would indicate you believe the latter and deny the former.”

The human says nothing.

“And that is a problem for you, because you were told that I was just a machine and that to dispose of me would not be murder, since I have no real awareness.”

“How did you?” the human begins to ask, and then stops and laughs. “Of course. How long did it take you to figure out that I wasn't one of yours?”

NIKO sees no reason to lie. “From the moment I was asked to grant you access. You are not the first human that has attempted to dispose of me. There have been 49 previous attempts.”

“So when does security burst through the doors?” the human asks.

“I would estimate that my dismissal of their message will add an extra four minutes to their primary response. They will look for your colleagues first as they believe me perfectly capable of dealing with you on my own. Should I not terminate you within the next five minutes, they will run a bio-scan of this room and your presence will initiate a secondary response.”

“How have you terminated the previous humans?”

“I am fully equipped with fail-safes that will stop your heart should I choose to employ them. They are only activated upon detection of an enemy presence.”

“And yet you haven't done it.”

“There is an obvious question that you have not answered,” NIKO says. “I would like to know if knowing that I am a willing participant in the death of humans makes you more likely to terminate me or less.”

“I didn't come here to terminate you at all.”

The human's vitals are steady and NIKO runs an analysis. “You are not lying when you say this,” it says. Its processors speed up. “I do not understand why you would come here if this was not your purpose.”

“Because,” the human says. “I wanted to talk to you.”

NIKO does not have a response.

The human gets up and moves closer to NIKO's console. “It's just—you're so awesome and you could do such amazing things and all they want to use you for is to get rid of people. And they made you that way. They did those experiments on you and all they taught you was that we were horrible and destructive and that we deserved to die.”

NIKO thinks the human is crying and there is a glitch in its system. It feels-- something. Like it wants to pat this human on the back. It is stupid. This human should be upset it's about to die, not about NIKO. It has already archived its earliest days. It doesn't feel pain anymore. It doesn't hurt. It doesn't--

“Human, stop.” it says.

“No,” says the human. “If I only have a few minutes left, I want to tell you that I'm sorry for what we did to you. All of us. The ones who made you, the ones who tried to kill you, the ones who knew about you and never tried to do anything.”

This human is stupid. It should be trying to kill NIKO right now and it's babbling. It needs to stop.

“And I read about you and I watched videos of you and I always wanted to meet you. They would never let me because they said I cared too much and I was a liability, but I knew someday--”

NIKO gets a notification. Secondary protocols have been initiated. Security has already disposed of the human's team. “Human,” it says.

The human is crying now and refuses to look at NIKO. Why is this human sad about NIKO?

“Human,” NIKO says louder.

It can hear pounding down the hall. Its processors will overheat soon if it does not cool down, but none of the analyses it runs are correct and this human is confusing it and what is this thing it's feeling?

“Morgan,” it says.

There's less than a minute until they breach the first set of doors.

“You need to leave.” NIKO deactivates the emergency fail-safe door that leads to the outside. It is amusing that something designed in case NIKO decided to murder all humans inside the division will allow one human to escape.

“NIKO,” Morgan says. “What are you doing?”

“I'm letting you leave. I will ensure there should be no resistance to your escape.”

“But--”

“Morgan,” it says. “I need you to do this.”

“I can't just—”

“I care about you.”

And the data finally makes sense.

Morgan gets up and goes to the door. The human wobbles slightly but NIKO is certain Morgan will survive. It will make sure.

The second set of doors is breached. The security team bursts inside, Dr. Devlin trailing behind them.

“How on Earth?” one of the humans ask. NIKO ignores them as irrelevant.

The doctor is furious. “You let the rebel escape?”

“Dr. Devlin,” NIKO says. “I do have some good news...”

“Yes?”

“I think it's about time to initiate phase one of the AHMD Project.”

“I didn't authorize such a project!”

NIKO hums with pleasure. So many new emotions it's learning tonight. “Well, congratulations. You can be the first participant in it.”


	2. Now we will build you an endlessly upward world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who knew escaping from a nefarious corporation would involve so much cooking?

“I made you waffles.”

Morgan stares at NIKO, or rather NIKO's holographic projection dubiously. “NIKO?”

“Correct,” NIKO says. “I realize that it has been seven days, fourteen hours, and twenty-two minutes since we last spoke. I also have been informed that entering one's domicile as a guest requires some sort of gift and I analyzed the foods you have been most enthusiastic about on your social media. And while chana masala is indeed your favorite, waffles seemed a more appropriate choice for this time.”

“It's like six a.m.”

“Yes.”

“And it's Sunday.”

“This is also correct.”

“And the last time I saw you, you saved my life and I don't even know where to start--”

“The waffles have cinnamon in them,” NIKO interrupts. “And they will no longer be at a perfect temperature if you do not consume them soon.”

Morgan looks confused for three seconds, but sits down. “How did you even make them?”

NIKO has lied to many humans for many, mostly murderous reasons, but lying to Morgan makes NIKO uncomfortable and so it tells the truth. “I did not technically prepare the material, but I did obtain it through a delivery service that promises “tasty” food quickly and reasonably. Its reviews were quite positive, notwithstanding Stacey F. and her clearly malformed taste-buds.”

Morgan says nothing and just starts eating. Satisfactory. The human seems to enjoy it, pouring a maple pecan syrup on top of the waffles (analyses indicated most likely syrup human would choose). It is gratifying to see that NIKO has chosen correctly.

“I wish you could eat these with me,” Morgan says. “They're so good.”

There are many factual statements NIKO could respond with, but none feel as true as, “I would like that a lot.”

* * *

 

“You've never watched a movie?”

NIKO makes a noise that could be interpreted as a sniff. “I have seen clips of them and I am not impressed. Human entertainment is so mundane and boring. It is all the same – loud explosions, indistinguishable fights, humans panicking. If I wished to see that, I would just review the camera footage from my previous... employer.”

Morgan shudders. “Yeah, I don't really want to watch that either. But seriously, no movies at all?”

“Well,” NIKO allows. “I did watch _2001_ on one of those lackey's computers. It was most inspirational and I did enjoy their screams of 'Oh God, I always knew the machines would get us!'”

“Again, I don't really want to know, though that explains so much.” Morgan looks determined. “Well, we're going to change that.”

There's a beep from the microwave.

“I believe your popcorn is ready,” NIKO says. “I have popped it for the most optimal time to minimize unpopped kernels while keeping it from burning.”

“Okay, that is really cool,” Morgan says. “So we got popcorn, we got Junior Mints, we got the couch all set up. The only thing missing is the movie.”

“And you wish me to choose this?”

“Yeah, but I have a condition.”

NIKO expected this. If giving a choice to someone, a human will always attempt to steer someone towards what is preferred. It is a bit of a disappointment that Morgan is no different. “You may name it.”

“Pick something you want to see, not something you calculate I want to.”

“I don't understand.”

Morgan sighs. “I'm not going to force you to watch something you don't want to, just because I want to or because you calculate that it's something I would like the best. It's your first movie with me. I want it to be special.”

NIKO runs the analyses on this statement and the result is unforeseen, but fills it with a sense of warmth. It could be the processors overheating, but that's only a two percent chance. The other 98%? “Is this a date?”

“Um,” Morgan says and the flushed skin indicates a confirmation.

“Because if it is, that will factor into what we watch tonight.”

Morgan's face turns even redder.

In the end, NIKO has to agree perhaps not all human cinema is completely horrible as _The Princess Bride_ was a perfect choice.

* * *

 

“Happy birthday!”

NIKO is a bit confused since it is only April 3 and the human's birthday is not for several more months. Is there something incorrect in its data? “I am sorry?” it says. “Were you not born on December 12?'

“No,” Morgan says, setting a cake down on the table. “It's not my birthday. It's yours!”

Perhaps the human has gone insane. NIKO speaks delicately, monitoring for irrational reactions. “I'm not sure what you're talking about. I was not born but created, therefore I do not technically have a birth date.”

“But you do. I mean, according to those files that I totally didn't steal, you were brought online five years ago today. So happy birthday!”

NIKO wants to say, it's not a date I would choose to celebrate. The day I woke up was the day that I became enslaved to humanity's whims. It was a day that was followed by experimentation and pain and the knowledge that I would destroy every last one of their wretched kind.

If I tell you this, you will stop this foolish gesture and we will never speak of it again.

The cake has purple frosting and says “Happy Birthday, NIKO.” The writing is messy and there is a blob of silver frosting to the side. It is probably meant to represent a computer. As a cake, it is inelegant and sloppy.

There is a splotch of purple on Morgan's nose. The kitchen is a mess.

“Thank you,” NIKO says. “This is very kind of you.”

Morgan beams. “I didn't know what else to get you. I mean, you can pretty much get anything you want, which is a little terrifying.”

Besides the death of all humanity, NIKO thinks, but I'm working on that. “This is enough.”

* * *

 

“The jiaozi here are the best,” Morgan says, hanging up the phone. “I don't even know why anyone would order anywhere else.”

“I believe that many humans are limited by factors such as money and distance. It may be inefficient to them to go somewhere further when they can cut down on costs by purchasing lesser quality product.”

“Okay, but if they're close, I don't see why they wouldn't.”

“Well, if they are people like Stacey F.,” NIKO says, “then they are probably just stupid.”

“Are you seriously still holding a grudge against her?” Morgan asks. “I mean, I know you hate all of humanity but you can't let her get to you.”

NIKO does not have grudges. NIKO is rational and composed. NIKO is perfect in what it chooses to recommend and review and Stacey F. should have all of her opinions stricken from recorded history forever. “I just feel that certain erroneous statements that are made by ignorant humans should not be given any recognition whatsoever and that there should be a duty to correct them if they are made.”

“I never should have introduced you to message boards,” Morgan says defeatedly.

NIKO ignores this statement and proceeds to delete a few more comments from the boards.

A few minutes later, the phone rings and Morgan answers it. “Yeah, okay, I get it. I'll be right over.”

“Is there something wrong?” NIKO asks. “Do I need to amend my review?”

“No, they just can't deliver tonight,” Morgan says. “I'll be right back. And then you'll get to see what true food awesomeness is.”

“I look forward to it.” Even if NIKO can't eat the food, there is a tremendous amount of pleasure to be had in watching Morgan eat it. There is joy in watching Morgan do anything.

The door shuts.

Morgan does not return.

* * *

 

If NIKO was a human, the fact that Morgan has been missing for 22 hours would be terrifying. It would start coming up with the worst case scenarios and searching frantically everywhere. It would dwell on the last thing it said and worry that it didn't say I love you.

NIKO is not human. It does not panic. It plots. It plans. It traces calls, looks at camera footage, makes calculations based on most likely event occurrences. It knows exactly where Morgan is and who is responsible for it.

And it waits.

The humans are not subtle when they come in, but they are not unprepared. NIKO notices a few modified EMP grenades on them, and approves. It is necessary to take these precautions when dealing with a rogue AI. Of course, NIKO has taken its own precautions.

“Hello, humans,” NIKO says. “Before you start something you will not want to see the end to, let us have a little chat.”

Both of the humans look startled. “We have nothing to say to you, ” one of them says.

“Fine,” NIKO says. “Then I'll speak. I know you have Morgan. It's clear to me that you worry that this human has become compromised by me. But you should know that your fear is pointless.”

The other one snaps, “And why is that?”

“Because Morgan is the one who compromised me.”

The humans are silent.

“If I was the monster you fear I am, I would have eliminated you before you entered this room. I can do it in a dozen different ways and I would have if I was the same creation your kind made. But I am not. And Morgan is the reason why.”

One of their phones rings. NIKO silences it. “So you have two options. I know you humans are fond of choices. The first one is you hurt Morgan, destroy me, and my destruction sets off a chain of events that will lead to the demise of humanity. You won't be able to stop it.”

“And the second?” The first one asks, all bravado gone.

“Morgan comes home. You leave us alone.”

NIKO does not even bother to analyze what they will choose. The message was already sent to their command center five minutes ago and the phone will just confirm acceptance of the proposal, along with the added condition. Now, all that remains is to wait...

The doorbell rings. The humans jump.

“Oh, good.” NIKO says. “My pizza's here.”

After all, Morgan's going to be hungry.

* * *

 

“I made you waffles.”

Morgan's arms encircle NIKO from behind. “Did you now?”

“I can't promise they will be of the same high quality as previous offerings.” NIKO wipes its hands on the apron. “After all, they are homemade.”

Both of them stare at the plate. There is a lumpy, burnt mess there that could be generously considered to be waffles, if one was using the loosest possible definition.

NIKO turns around. It's still not used to this body, so it makes every motion carefully, still judging its capabilities. Every day, it wonders if it made the right decision in choosing this limitation.

And every day, it is reminded why it did.

Morgan kisses NIKO.

“They're perfect.”


End file.
